The LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP versus the CONVENTIONAL RELATIONSHIP…

Let me start the friendly debate!  Which has a better chance of lasting?  Which is better?

Well, as with everything relating to couples, two of the most important factors are the people involved in the relationship.  It takes a real commitment from both individuals in order to make it work!  A long distance relationship, or LDR, might be well-suited for some and not others.  But, the same goes for a conventional relationship.  After acknowledging that…  Both types of relationships do have their perks and pitfalls.

One of the obvious advantages that a conventional relationship has over a LDR is the fact that you get that physical touch.  You can simply go over to your sweet thang’s place and kiss and cuddle up.  If the couple is at this stage, they can even have some quality sexy time!  Now, within a LDR, you cannot sex anyone up, cuddle, or kiss.  However, there are things that the two of you can do, as a substitute, until you are in each other’s presence again.  One thing that you can do is get on Skype together.  You can see each other in real-time video as if you were really face to face.  It is the next best thing to being there!  Another thing that the two of you can do is phone sex.  Phone sex is simply talking dirty to each other over the phone while you masturbate yourselves.  Now some might be resistant to this initially.  Especially, if she or he has never done it.  Think about it…  Both of you are adults and both of you have sexual needs and desires that are probably taken care of through self masturbation.  The ONLY difference between masturbation and phone sex is the fact that, in phone sex, your loved one helps you with suggestive, erotic talk.

Now an advantage, that a LDR has over a conventional relationship, is the fact that you are forced to talk to each other!  That is the ONLY way that you can communicate.  This is good because the more that both of you talk, the more that you will find out about each other.  It encourages more thoughtful conversations and in-depth discussions.  This creates a deeper sense of emotional intimacy.  You could possibly talk a lot in a conventional relationship but, since there is also non-verbal communication, it is not likely.  Some of those lengthy conversations will be replaced with hugs and kisses, or movie watching, or body language.  In conventional relationships, many different activities can take the place of meaningful conversation.

Another difference between a LDR and a conventional relationship is that, within a LDR, all of the intangibles like personality, goals, morals, beliefs, and intellect become who you fall for as opposed to a body or look.  Yes, you generally know and appreciate your partner’s appearance but you don’t have a chance to focus on it.  Plus, there is a difference, however slight, from a picture or video and having them in the flesh.  With a conventional relationship, it is usually the opposite.  Since we are visual people, of course our mates appearance is in the forefront every time that they come over or we go out.  All of the intangibles, in this case, become more secondary.  Mainly for the fact that we don’t get to see those intangibles because, in person, there are other things to do besides talk.

People involved in relationships decide the outcome of that relationship.  With either long distance relationships or conventional relationships, it takes a lot of commitment in order to make things work.  Both types of relationships have advantages and disadvantages.  Depending on the individuals involved, one might be a better option than the other.  Choose WISELY!

I’M SWEET ON YOU…

No matter what’s going on in your relationship, the best things that you can do to make things flow better are to show affection and be sweet to one another.  The most important two things, when being sweet, are to be sincere and never expect anything in return.  However, if your mate is thoughtful, they will quickly reciprocate.  There are some guaranteed things to do that will make your partner feel good.  Probably even stuff that they never ever experienced from a significant other in the past.

Show gratitude for everything that they do; especially, the special things.  When they do something for you that is either pricey or they had to put in that extra effort, be very appreciative.  Make sure that they know how you feel.  At your earliest convenience, reciprocate!

Giving daily compliments is another way for you to show them that you care.  Your words should be sincere so mean what you say.  You can compliment many things like their looks, their attitude, their dedication and any and everything that they do for you.  Find a way to remind them each day, just how special they are.

You should give them little surprises often! Sometimes you can give them something material and sometimes you can make or create something.  A few examples of things that you can create are writing them a poem, sending them an ecard, or cooking out of the blue for no other reason than to say I LOVE YOU!  A few examples of material surprises are Victoria Secret’s panties,  their favorite cologne or perfume, or a massage or a day at the spa.  You know what they like so they would be overjoyed!

Always show your partner affection.  Do it as a pick me up when they are feeling low or just as a way to say I am thinkin of you.  Do things like staying up late just to talk and comfort them.  A happy, healthy relationship can be the best thing in this world and a huge source of support in your life!

 

LET’S DO IT!

Sex, sex, sex, sex!  Now that I got that out of the way…  Sex is a very important part of a committed relationship.  It can directly effect other aspects of your relationship depending on the frequency and satisfaction of the intercourse.  It is perfectly fine and necessary to have open communication about your sexual desires, preferences, and needs with your partner.

First off, it is okay to say no to your partner when they ask for sex.  There are limitations to those times though if you want peace and harmony.  If you are extremely sick, extremely tired, or there is absolutely no time, you are justified.  However, you should make every effort to remember to make amends as soon as possible.  The very next day, that you are capable of sex, you should approach your partner, without being asked, and rock their world.  This will give them confidence and reassurance that you weren’t personally rejecting their advances.  It will also remind them that you want sex with them too.

It is important to know that foreplay is a way to heighten the experience and is very important.  A complete sexual experience includes foreplay, the actual act of sex, and cuddling afterwards.  Talk to your partner so you know exactly what they like and want and express to them your wants and likes.  Encouragement before, during, and after sex is recommended.  It also helps if you communicate during sex to give them reassurance that you enjoy what they are doing.  After both of you are totally satisfied, you should enjoy the moment and each other’s closeness and each other’s body by embracing and talking for a while.  Oh, and throughout the experience, kissing is always good.

Everything should be open.  You should be able to talk about all things sexual with your partner.  That is of the utmost importance.  What positions you like or would like to try?  How often you want sex?  What things you like to do as far as stimulation and foreplay?  What things that you want done to you?  And all of your sexual fantasies and anything else that you want to talk about with your partner. It should feel comfortable and natural during any discussion that you may have.  And, you should make your partner feel comfortable enough to be able to express themselves openly and honestly to you.

There are a few factors that can and will effect sexual desire within a relationship.  Significant, long-term weight gain can have a damaging effect.  Not just because of shallow reasons.  After all, they are with you because they love you.  Significant weight gain has a negative effect on your health as well.  If they love you, they want you to be healthy and to stay alive.  Also, your appearance will drastically change with a huge weight gain.  It is very possible that the physical attraction would lessen and that would decrease the number of times that you and your partner had sex.  A big weight gain could actually be a physical burden during intercourse.  Your partner might not be able to handle you on top of them for long periods due to your size.  There are respectful ways to try to help your partner lose weight without making them feel ashamed or embarrassed.  For example, you could suggest that the two of you do a fun physical activity together like bike riding.  That way it wouldn’t be that obvious and they might be more receptive.  Suggesting going to the gym might seem laborious so they might not be too enthusiastic.  Another factor that might hinder sex is arguing.  Fighting time and time again will make you less attracted to one another so sex will dwindle.  Not to mention, some people hold back sex as a form of punishment.  A way to avoid this is to use those steps to prevent as many arguments as you possibly can and minimize the damage when you do argue.

Sex is not the ONLY part but it is a big part of a completely satisfied and happy relationship.  It has an effect on the overall success of a union between committed partners.  Both of you should be able to communicate openly and honestly about every aspect of sex.  Make your partner feel comfortable about frequent, open discussions in order to make sure that you are both up to date.  Show them that you are attracted to them and that you desire them every chance that you get and your sex life should be fine.

 

 

Effective Communication…

Communication is a two-way process in which two individuals talk and listen to one another.  It is important to be able to communicate with your partner at all times.  Communication needs to be open and honest at all times.  A combination of good verbal and nonverbal communication will help to strengthen the bond between the two of you and help bolster trust.  Both types will also help prevent possible misunderstandings and errant thoughts.

A key factor in the whole process is timing.  Find the right time to talk to your partner.  If you are discussing something important or emotional, where you need their undivided attention, try not to start when they are at work or in the middle of something that holds a special interest to them.  They will most likely be more attentive and receptive if the timing is right.  Both of you will be able to focus and concentrate better without a lot of distractions around.

When talking about something important or emotional, you should do it face to face or on video, if possible.  If you are in front of each other, it gives the conversation that personal touch that is often needed.  A lot of things can be lost in the process during texting or by sending an email.  For example, through a text, you cannot hear the tone nor inflection of your partner’s voice.  Plus, sometimes all you want is to see is their face and look them directly in their eyes as you talk.

Body language is also a big part of communication.  The way that you carry yourself tells a lot to other people.  Your mood, intent, and mental state can be seen through signs that your body gives off.  It is important to relax and maintain direct eye contact so your partner knows that you are listening and involved.  For example, if you look away from them, it can suggest signs of guilt or that you are uninterested in what they have to say.

There are a few barriers to effective and positive communication.  Emotions can jeopardize effectivity.  Some people who are overly emotional lose focus on the topic of discussion.  Also, they lose their composure.  Silence is another roadblock.  If you are silent, nothing can be discussed.  Being unwilling to talk will not help.  If you are upset, take time out and continue the conversation when you regain your composure.  The worst thing that you could do is to be silent and never discuss the issue when your partner asks you a direct question.

Nobody is a perfect communicator all of the time.  Hopefully, between the two of you, it will work out where you support and lift one another up.  Communication needs to be open and honest.  It is very important that both of you know exactly what is going on and you are both on the same page.  You must be able to listen in order to give revelant feedback in the whole communication process.

KNOW HOW TO ARGUE…

With NO exception, it is with the utmost importance that you know exactly how to argue within a relationship!  The previous statement may sound funny; however, the reason that many failed relationships started deteriorating is because either one or both parties didn’t know a few ground rules about arguing!

For starters, someone is wrong; usually!  Outside of the very rare occasion where it really is nobody’s fault, someone did something that caused the issue or problem.  Between the both of you, you know who and they know who did it.  That is no secret.  Whoever the culprit is, needs to fess up and be totally honest.  One of the absolute worst things that you could do is argue with someone that you love, when you are wrong.  Not only that but also, catch a  major attitude and rant and rave.  That would be the equivalent of pouring gasoline on a fire!  If you need a moment to regain your composure, you should walk away for a few minutes.  When you are ready, come back and own up to whatever that it is that you have done.  Be very sincere and extremely apologetic in your delivery.  That is the least painful and quickest way to resolve the issue.  Not to say that you won’t hear a word or two back from your partner but, after all, it was your fault.  Your partner should be impressed by your honest and forgiveness should be a cinch.

Secondly, avoid all low blows!  I repeat… Avoid all low blows!  In the midst of the emotion and anger, you might want to hurt your partner by lashing out and bringing up one of their sore spots.  It would be an easy and quick way to make them mad and hurt them emotionally.  Do not do it!  It will have a long-lasting and devastating effect on the trust and respect between the two of you.  You might win the battle but your relationship will lose in the war.  If your partner goes there with a low blow, please remove yourself from the area and go somewhere where they are not.  Continuing the argument, at this point, would not be advised until you could calm down and talk rationally.

Another thing, please listen when your partner is talking.  Do not try to overtalk them because you wouldn’t want them to do it to you.  This would also frustrate and infuriate them and they most likely would go on a rampage.  Listen to what they say with an open mind.  They actually might tell you something that clears the whole thing up.  You will get your chance to talk when they finish.

And lastly, through it all, try to remain calm.  It actually could be a misunderstanding.  If you both go off on each other and hurt each other’s feelings, you would create a big problem for nothing.  Plus, being calm might actually relax your partner’s mind and make them calmer.

Having an argument with a loved one is inevitable.  If and when you do find yourself in an argument, remember that you need to play fair.  If you have brutal arguments with a partner, this could very well destroy any hope of having a happy future with them.